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Come in and make us laugh

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[25 Mar 2011|01:13pm]

I need some serious help and i am too afraid to tell anyone.

Posted via LjBeetle
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[07 Nov 2008|06:46pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Two biscuits go into an oven
One biscuit goes "oh my god its hot in here"
The other biscuit says "holey cow a talking biscuit"
How do you drown a dumb blond?
You glew a mirror to the bottom of a pool!!

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Hilarious movie you have to see!! [02 Nov 2008|04:23pm]

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[23 Sep 2008|12:19pm]
[ mood | amused ]

A mouse and a lion were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try your luck?" replied the lion.
So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes they're out the door and into the night.
The next day, the lion was drinking in the bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out, and can hardly hold himself up.
The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink down his throat and said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?"
The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the night. And oh, man! I've never had a night like it!"
"But how come you look like you're so exhausted?" asked the lion.
"Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the screwing, I must have run a thousand miles!!!"

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[19 Sep 2008|04:31pm]
[ mood | amused ]

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer,
wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have
one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem.
She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said,

'This is for washing our hair.'

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put
a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

'The curlers are on me'

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[15 Aug 2008|07:13am]
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[06 May 2008|09:28pm]
[ mood | amused ]

An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"

"Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"

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A man walked into a bar with... [17 Apr 2008|10:46am]

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."

via: http://www.ifundb.com
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[14 Apr 2008|11:43am]
[ mood | amused ]

An angry mob is walking along the street.
Someone yells, "Hey, let's hang that guy with a mustache!"
Someone else yells, "Nah, let's use a rope!"


"You know, except for the mustache, you look a lot like my mother."
"But I don't have a mustache."
"Yes, but my mother does."

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Hangman Homicide [07 Apr 2008|01:20am]

a morbid twist on the hangman game.
made by my evil clone--georgiewong.

if doesn't embed-- go to this link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qcvk-hULNvE

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[16 Mar 2008|11:54am]
[ mood | amused ]


One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but
losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track
and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with
interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race
horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the
forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet
on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the
priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.

Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first. Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a
state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.

Confronting the old priest he demanded, "Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race,
the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've
lost every cent of my savings - all of it!".

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. "Son," he said,
"that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference
between a simple blessing and last rites."

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[16 Mar 2008|11:35am]
[ mood | amused ]

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse...

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Hilarious Rambo Spoof by Nick Spears! [28 Feb 2008|07:55pm]

This is classic - enjoy!!!

Not Just A Hobby</td>
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Joke [19 Feb 2008|07:46am]

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?' Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it?' Peter said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show Us your good manners?'

I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner.'

The teacher fainted.
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[24 Jan 2008|08:08am]
[ mood | amused ]

A drunk went into a telephone booth and dialed at random. "Salvation Army" came the answer.

"What do you do?" asked the man.

"We save wicked men and women," came the reply.

"Well, save me a wicked woman for Saturday night."

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[23 Sep 2007|09:59am]


( Click here for more. )
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[20 Sep 2007|06:56pm]

( This is better than sex. )
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[18 Sep 2007|09:04pm]

( Funny pictures. )

( More funny pictures. )
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Terminology... [14 Sep 2007|06:54pm]
  • Football: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two eagle eyed referee's assistants and one stupid ball.
  • Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around
  • Fans: Two sets of abusive referees
  • Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where "innocent" players are drawn towards.
  • Scoring: When 11 men spontaneously start dancing and kissing, regardless of any injuries, whilst 11 others droop like wallflowers
  • Striker: Faultless, overpaid, box hogging lay about whom only misses the goal when he is fed a bad ball
  • Defender: Player who's function is to commit fouls just outside of the penalty area
  • Ball: Round object used by referees to entice players into committing fouls.

more daily jokes
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[30 Aug 2007|12:22am]

Why are Micheal Jacksons pants so small?!

There not his.
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